out of control

Two days ago we took our 19-year-old to the airport to fly to Bolivia and live for 4 months.  Enroute Alex looked a bit anxious and said to me, “I feel like I am going to puke”.  I said that is okay I feel like I am going to puke too.

For 19 years I have falsely felt in control of our day-to-day lives.  Especially when the boys were young; I planned meals, bedtime, playtime and everything in between.  As their independence has grown they have taken the reins of their daily routines and schedules, but ultimately I always knew I could call the last shot if need be.  Never have I felt more out of control then when we drove away from the airport leaving our “baby” to make his own way in South America.

Raising kids is funny that way, from early on we hold tightly to the reins assuming we have all the bases covered.  Yet, slowly over time the Lord reveals to us that we were not in control from the start.  I remember before Alex got his driver’s license a group of boys from his high school tumbled out of a car in our driveway and wanted to know if Alex would like to jump in and “hang out”.  I thought…..”you have got to be kidding me, over my dead body is he getting in that car with all of you and driving away from me”!!  Truly the thought made me nauseous then…..that was only 4 short years ago.

At night when I lay in bed and pray God’s covering and protection over our boys, I am keenly aware of my absolute dependence on Him.  It is not until we come face to face with our lack of control  that we get real honest with who God is and how much we need him.

Thankfully, God makes no record of wrongs.    He simply waits, His patience never-ending, His mercy abounding, until one day we wake up and realize everything we have, everything we are, and all that we love are His gifts to us to enjoy, nurture and grow.

It is going to be a long 4 months, but I am certain His plans for Alex are great.  AND….I am learning the fine art of trust, believing God’s plans for me are in my best interest.

May 2010 reveal to you personally God’s character and care for you and those you love.  May your need for Him grow and your trust in Him increase.


PS Feel free to pray for Alex…….spoken like a true mom =)


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